Always
Lovelies! I had a dream. A dream that brought happiness to my soul. I hope it brings happiness to yours.......
******
My head had just hit the pillow when I heard something pecking at my window.
Recently, a pesky squirrel had been throwing pecans, rocks, and other small round objects at my window so I assumed he was the one keeping me up tonight.
I jumped out of bed, tiptoed to the window – in nothing but my sleepwear – and threw the blinds open, hoping to scare the little demon away.
However, the big beautiful brown eyes looking back at me did not belong to a squirrel. No sir.
It was a real boy.
A very attractive real boy.
His deep chocolate eyes mesmerized me. They had rivers of caramel traveling through them, pulling you in. I was so mesmerized I forgot I was standing in the open window in nothing but my nighty tank and underwear!
After a few moments, logical thoughts came back to me reminding me standing in the window almost naked was not something I should be doing. I moved to close the blinds when Mystery Man sprung into action.
Mystery Man held up a big poster board with the words, “Meet me outside” written in scribbly man writing. I don’t know how I knew, but I knew I could trust the Mystery Man so I threw on an oversize sweatshirt, shoved my feet into some slippers and hurried through my house.
At this point in my life, I realized I probably shouldn’t trust a Mystery Man showing up at my window in the middle of the night with a sign telling me to “meet him outside”. But something about this man was familiar to me. I felt I could trust him.
So, I grabbed a flashlight and whistled for my mastiff, Billy, to follow me outside. Better to have my two hundred pound mastiff with me just incase my intuition is wrong.
When I finally get outside, I see a huge bouquet of Gerber daisies in front of a 6"2 modern god. I could almost make out his features, but I just couldn’t place him.
When he spoke, it was like dark chocolate being drizzled over my soul. I knew exactly who the Mystery Man was. I just couldn’t believe it.
"Come with me. Please, just get in the truck, you won't regret it."
At this point, logical Reese was back and ready to fight back, "That’s what all the sociopaths say right before they kill the person." I couldn't believe he was at my house in the middle of the night asking me to get into his car.
After all this time.
He chuckled; I got a quick glimpse of his perfect pearly white teeth. "I promise ReeseBaby, nothing will happen. Go ahead, shoot your girl a text, she will vouch"
So I shot my best friend, Lilah a text. “What the hell? She replied almost immediately, "Shut up, and go with him.”
What the hell was going on? My best friend was in on it too? I really need to explain to people how friendships work.
But I got into the car. I got into the car with a man I hadn’t seen in over five years. A man who broke my heart without even knowing it.
I tried to ask questions, but he would shut me down saying, "Patience. We’ve waited this long." I was so intrigued with what the outcome of this adventure would be I sat back and observed my immediate surroundings.
We weren’t in the same truck he had the last time I saw him, but it was the same make just different model. I have so many fond memories of his stupid truck that I was almost sad to see it gone.
He must of read my mind because he said, “I had to get a new one. When it all happened, I had to get something smaller for a while, but now I have this.” He trailed off but I knew what he meant.
He didn’t have to say any more. He didn’t have to say what he did. I had my suspicions .
“I can’t picture you in something smaller…” I say and look at him through the corner of my eye.
He gives me another smile, one that finally reaches his eyes.
After a twenty-minute ride, I realize where we are headed.
When we used to hang out, all those years ago, he and I had a secret clearing on his parent’s property where we set up a cozy little nook for just the two of us. It had a porch swing he built for the two of us, thirty feet of fairy lights strung up around some posts we put in to give it a magical feel, and a projection screen for when we wanted to watch movies and just hang out.
It was the perfect area for two college kids to hang out and relax without the “real world” collapsing in around us.
At least we thought it was.
We pull up to our spot and it’s as perfect as I remember it. However, there are a few new additions. The main one being our cozy little clearing was now in a beautiful gazebo. Just from the looks of it you could tell it was hand made. The outside was constructed with cherry wood, giving it a beautiful red tint. The openings were rounded with screens to give maximum comfort without the pesky bugs. The fairy lights were strung up around the inside and outside, giving it a glow.
It was perfect. It was everything we had talked about all those years ago.
He placed a hand on my lower back, urging me forward. He opened the door to my gazebo (Yes, it is mine now. I don’t care). The inside was just as spectacular. Big vaulted ceilings gave the impression the gazebo was bigger than it really was. There was seating with cushions all around the circumference of the gazebo, giving plenty of opportunity for seating. There was what I assumed a pull down projection screen for late night movies, and an antique popcorn maker in the corner. White pillows and blankets were scattered on the floor, giving the
appearance of being on a cloud.
I was in love with this gazebo. And probably the man that made it.
I was tired of the games. I looked at him and said, “What the hell, Dylan?”
He sighed, “It took me longer than we talked about. Mom got so sick, baby. She needed someone to lean on. I think I was too strong for her because it took her too long. She wouldn’t man up. She needed to, her own strength was necessary for the journey. She needed to feed off her own strength and I needed to let go a bit. But we were both too stubborn.”
I had tears rolling down my face, “You didn’t even call. No text, email, Facebook message, no tweet. Nothing. You just dropped off the planet. I couldn’t find you.” I let out a deep breath, “I went looking for you. I've been looking for you. I never really stopped hoping you would come back to me.”
My mind was reeling. Why now? Why after all this time had he come back to me? Five years is a long time without contact. I thought we were in love.
“We were. We are,” he pleaded and reached for me.
Oops, thought I said that in my head – apparently not.
“Darlin’, my mom needed me. The cancer was so aggressive. She wasn’t supposed to live six months let alone be cancer free after five years. She was so sick, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually."
I gasped. Cancer free?
"She needed someone to be strong and I couldn’t have been that person with you in my life. So I cut you out.” He looks deep in my eyes, hoping I will understand.
And I do. I got it. I’ve been there with my grandmother.
The first month of my senior year in high school, my grandmother was diagnosed with aggressive leukemia. Since I wanted to help, I moved in with her to take care of her. I was there for the chemotherapy, the radiation, the depression, the anxiety, and the bouts of anger. All of it, I was there for all of it.
“Dylan, I understand you needed space. What I don't understand is why I couldn't help. I had already been through something like what your momma went through. I could have helped. I wanted to help.”
He sighed, “I know Reese, but I couldn’t have been the rock she needed with you around. I would have crumbled from the pressure the first time I saw your face. I almost broke that one phone call we had. I knew I needed to make space to be the person momma needed.” He is standing in front of me now. Putting his fingers under my chin, he guides my eyes back to his,
“You had already been through it with your grandmother; I couldn’t ask you to be strong for my momma too.”
And I understood that. Finally, the lack of communication made sense. He was doing what he thought best for everyone: for his momma, for me, and for himself.
"Why now, why after all these years?" I needed to know.
He gifted me a shy smirk. "I was on Facebook scrolling through the “People You May Know” section when your name popped up. I was so happy to see your face. When I realized that meant we weren’t already friends, I was crushed. I didn't realize how much I relied on that small connection I thought we still had,” he gave me a sad smile, “I needed you back in my life. Momma is healthy again; I didn’t have to be strong anymore. I needed my rock back, and you are that rock Reese.”
It was all too much. The emotions, the feelings, and the memories came crashing into me all at
once. I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. I needed air. I needed to be anchored.
He knew. He always knew. He grabbed me in up his big meaty arms and brought me to his perfectly sculpted chest.
I missed Dylan hugs. He always knew how to make me feel safe, loved, and happy at the same time.
I had tried for years to pretend he didn't mean anything to me; that him leaving didn’t wreck me. But I was done pretending. I knew he was it for me. I wasn't petty, I wouldn't make him wait for my love – he had always had it.
Always.
age 22 17.4.2018
